i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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