A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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