i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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