if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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