Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Hippo gnu deer
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
