yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
