absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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