My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Randomize
