The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
