Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
dude i'm inner monologue high
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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