So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
