just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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