she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
