ya dads aren't the best wingmen
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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