You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
