What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
