i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
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