Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize