I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
