I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
