We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize