Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
