feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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