Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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