I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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