Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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