I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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