shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
