I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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