Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
