why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
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