real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
third nipple confirmed
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
