I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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