Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Randomize
