anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Randomize
