Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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