The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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