i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
