Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
it was like having sex with a tree stump
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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