Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize