I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
