There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
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