Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
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