this beer tastes like vomit already
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize