If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
