I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
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