How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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