I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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