This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Floor bacon is actually really good
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
