I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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