i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
And then my night got REAL pukey
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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