You smell like a Billy Joel song
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
My dad just said "fuck circus"
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
