Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
