: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
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