Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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