You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Randomize