I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Randomize
