I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Randomize
