Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Randomize
