Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
