Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
