I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
