I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
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