What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Randomize
