i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
