i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I need to align my fucking chakras
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
