Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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