Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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