she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
