Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Randomize
