What a fucking waste of an outfit
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Randomize
