i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
